When facing fear, we consciously or unconsciously go to a default mode, controlling, exercising our power, planning without leaving space for surprises, magic, learnings…
I would like to share one experience of letting go, surrender and transformation.
For some time, I’ve had a birthday wish to be driven on a Harley Davidson (HD) and after a few attempts, it became possible the day of my 55th birthday. And while I was approaching it, three registries started emerging from my mind and body: imaginary (freedom, love), symbolic (short ride around neighborhood with unknown man), and real (fear, nervously holding the rider, feeling the wheel heat).
While climbing up on the HD and starting the ride I knew that I could trust the rider; he was experienced, thoughtful, communicative, but I needed to trust myself that I could take an enjoyable ride. I started to listen and see myself as “an instrument” and I had to go to “the balcony” for this wonderful wish to happen.
While intensively looking at everything that was going on the road, I started noticing that my body was getting very comfortable, even relaxed. It was a clear trigger to tell my brain that I needed to GIVE IN and openly, generously, freely embrace the country ride in the summer day.
The more and more we were exploring the less I had control; smells and freshness of wind and sun were GETTING IN. And suddenly I started to understand that this was going to be one of the most powerful experiences in my life because I was feeling free and complete, connected to the moment and gracefully happy. After two and a half hours of my first motorbike ride, I had a smile on my face that lingered for hours, like the one we have when we are falling in love… a moment when we lose control.
Being able to recognize and really admit that I like to control during that ride took me back to one of my advisors’ question: “Why do you need to control?” Is it the family structure and dynamic that I grew up in (being a middle child and only girl within a closer and bigger family affected my adaptability, my need to be liked and recognized), a demand to create safe and “powerful” space amongst the change of multiple countries and cultures?
How much was this related to my need to be fully recognized? Creativity and innovation is linked to the lack of control and each time when we consciously tell ourselves to let go and trust the process, the real creation and learnings happen. THESE ARE AHA MOMENTS!
Learnings so far brought me to the conclusion that my wishes are meaningful/ inspiring/ loving connections which are possible once we recognize each other and are willing to GIVE IN. There is a feeling of joy while passing “NEVER GIVE UP” road boards and signs. My inner wisdom and intuition is telling me that indeed when we give in and give up controlling, we open for real transformation.